An Attitude of Gratitude

New Years Eve I had to work. Knowing I would not make it home in time to kiss my hubby at midnight, some friends graciously allowed me to invite myself to their house to ring in the New Year. We ate some Sushi, and toasted with milk shakes as the ball dropped completing 2010 and ringing in 2011. It was great, I missed my husband, but it was a nice way to ring in the year.

We chatted about the things one chats about in their 40's...mostly our kids and what not. It was during this chatting that I was paid the best compliment I think I have ever received. My friend Jennifer said that she had never met someone who was more grateful for their life than me. I have not been able to stop thinking about this since.

I am grateful for my life. In the most basic sense, I am grateful to be alive. In a broader sense, I am grateful for all the people and things I have in my life. The fact of the matter is, I should be dead. Every day that I am alive, is really a gift. I know how cliche that sounds, but it's true. I would say if I had not gotten sober when I did, I would be dead. I say that with 99.9% certainty. Knowing that is pretty powerful. I have a tremendous amount of gratitude for my life, I just never thought anyone else saw me that way.

I think there are a million things a person can be called; pretty, smart, funny, talented, handsome, etc. but this is the best compliment I have ever been paid. Why? That is the question. I guess to me it means that being in recovery is no longer what I am, it is who I am. I was sober for a great many years while still having addict behavior. I can become addicted like that! Shopping, gambling, smoking, you name it, if it makes you feel good for a hot second...I am in! But I am not living that way anymore. I am recovering, every day, every way. It is who I am, and people can see it, and that makes me feel good.

I am so lucky in many ways, and I have created an amazing life for myself. It doesn't require a tremendous amount of money, or designer clothes, it is just a place of love and family. I am amazed every day that I have these kids, my husband, the friends I have, the family we share. I saw a story on Nightline last week on Beyonce (lol) and she did a documentary of her life on the road, kind of raw and uncut. In it she says, ""...I don't know why God chose this for my life..." on a much different scale, I feel the same way.

So thank you Jennifer, for seeing me and knowing me and for letting me know that I am putting who I am out there for people to receive if they choose to. I love you too :)