I got the idea to write this letter from a video that is currently making the rounds on Facebook. The video made me cry, and worry about all the sunburns I have had, as it is about skin cancer. I thought writing a letter to me as a 16 year old was a great idea, so here it goes.
Dear 16 Year Old Me (Lisa),
So, where do I begin? I want to tell you so much about how you are living your life and I am not sure where to start. I guess I want you to know that you are beautiful, funny and smart. You actually CAN do anything you set your mind to, that's not just smoke being blown up your ass ;)
You are thin, already kind of too thin. You are not fat, so please stop obsessing about your weight, not eating, purging, and experimenting with drugs that make you lose weight. This is really the beginning of something awful and very destructive. Wearing a size 6 cheerleader skirt is not an indication that you need a diet...trust me.
No one has ever told you this, you can be OK alone. You can go off to college and be OK. You are bright, very street smart as it turns out, and incredibly resourceful. Stop being afraid to fail, and go for it! Not doing this will end up being the biggest regret in your life.
You have some wonderful friends. Some of them will stick by all your bullshit forever and others will not. They all love you in one way or another, treat them respectfully. You will have lots to apologize for as you get older, be open to that and understand that you have to take responsibility for the choices you make. Not everyone will forgive you, and you will get as much from them as from those who do.
Attend school. Stop cutting classes, Do your work. You are smart enough to be anything you want to be, you are the only one who doesn't know that. Being in school in your 40's is not a picnic.
Some boys are going to do something to you that will change your life forever. It will not be your fault, you will have done nothing to provoke it, or ask for it. Please, do not let it define you. It will be the catalyst for the next 10 years of addiction, self injury, and suicide attempts. Please get help right away instead of waiting for 5 years to tell anyone. You deserve better. You will not listen to this advice, I am sure, just survive it, eventually you will deal with it as you need to.
Some day, you will get better from all these things. You will be a grown up, sober and happy. You will be married and have the most amazing children. Even if this letter is ignored and everything goes the same, you will still get better. When you ask why you lived through this all, when so many people you knew died, the answer will become clear when your first child is born. It will become even more clear when your second child is born, and every night you look at them while they sleep.
I wish that I actually received this letter when I was 16, but having been a 16 year old, I am sure it would not have mattered. I love you, I should have loved you more then, but I do love you now and so do lot's of others.
Be kind to yourself,
Alissa
