I read on Facebook (really?) a friends status, "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, and your reputation is merely what others think you are." It was the greatest thing I ever read! I feel like at this point in my life I have a pretty strong character. I make mistakes, but I own them and fix them as soon as I can. I have at least attempted to make amends for all the shitty things I have done in my life. Most people have accepted those amends, and we have moved on to a nice, adult, new friendship. I am in a great place, I am excelling at school, everything is great:)
So, why do I give a shit at all about the people, actually person, who won't "forgive" me and allow for a new relationship to form?? It has been well over 20 years. Why do we as people care so much about the one person who doesn't give us what we want, and not the hundreds who do?
My father is still angry at me for something I did when I was 17. (this is not the person I am talking about) I am 41, married with kids yada, yada, yada, but he has never let me forget that he is still angry about something I did as an alcoholic/drug addicted/anorexic/bulimic teenager....ummmm...ok? Thanks dad, I assume you tried your best ;) Maybe this is why I need forgiveness from a girl I haven't seen or spoken to since the 80's. I don't know. Seriously, who would give a shit? I didn't even know what I did wrong until recently, believe me...I would hate me too, but I would like to think I would agree to a cup of coffee.
I was a bad person, bad character, and I earned my bad reputation. There are just not a lot of people who think of me like that anymore, and I am having a hard time handling it. I know I am not the same person I used to be, and I really do know that. I am amazed at the person I am now, compared to then. I am not feeling sorry or any of that useless bullshit, I guess as I am reflecting on character versus reputation, I have been forced to admit that character flaw in me, and take it as a challenge, as I have every other character flaw that has come my way. I face my crap, and I do it with my head up. So I guess I should thank this person for this opportunity to better myself, but I really just wanna grab a Starbucks and work it out ;) But for now, I guess if you are reading this, thanks.
